I am SOOOOO angry! I can not believe what is happening at our church! (m)

The only other person who works with the youth in our church (and who found us the nursery worker) called me last night. She had just gotten home from an ECW meeting where she "was ambushed." The women of the church (who had implicity promised to give money to pay for a nursery person) berated her about how much we had agreed to pay this person. The older lady who helps in the office complained because the nursery person makes more per hour than she does. HELLO?! Do you have children's lives in your hands? Do you only work 3 hours a week? And is it even appropriate to discuss your salary in a public forum, much less compare it to others?

And these are the same women who complain when the children are in church "making a ruckus". They said they would be taking it to the Vestry. Good, I am on the Vestry and I will say exactly what I think.

I am so furious I don't know what to do. I called the Senior Warden and discussed it with him (his wife was there, and she was apparently the only person who said nothing through the entire discussion. Not ONE person stood up for the children!) And I told him, in complete honesty, that if they undo the ONE good thing they have done for our children, I will take my son (and my parents, for that matter) and go to a church that appreciates their children. And I know the other lady who works with the youth will too.

I am trying to hard to pray for guidance, to be calm, but anger is getting the best of me. Our Vestry meeting is this Sunday (11/19). I would appreciate a prayer for us to have a civil discussion and come to the conclusion that is best for our church.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Trish







Answer:

We shall overcome. We shall overcome. We shall overcome someday...

oh, deep in my heart, I *do* believe that we shall overcome some day.

And the reformed catholic church *will* survive, because it is the truest form of the true church. And the blue-haired power-brokers behind the vestry thrones will stop eating their young. And there *will* come a tomorrow free from all sorrow, and our love will show us the way. And the scattered tribes will return from exile -- I will come back from my Lutheran sojourn, and my friend Erin from her United Church sojourn, and my friend Andree from her "nondenominational" sojourn. And the church *will* receive us -- and our foreign-reared children -- instead of rejecting us.

But right now, just know that you are not alone. You are not out of line; you are not making unreasonable demands. Your anger is not the anger of deadly sin, but the godly anger of an Amos demanding: "Let justice roll down like a river, and righteousness like an everlasting stream". Jesus set the little ones in the midst of his disciples, and you are speaking up for them. And as I share your anger, so I will support you in prayer.

You might try reminding those women what they said when those children were baptized. If I have your prayer book rightly,

 After all have been presented, the Celebrant addresses the
 congregation, saying
 Will you who witness these vows do all in your
 power to support these persons in their life in Christ?
 And the people answer
 We will.

Next baptism, if they really mean "No", perhaps they should say so. Dare to be a Daniel, and all that.

In the meantime, understand what motivates those women. When those women were raising children, nobody helped them. They stayed home; they taught the sunday school and nursery themselves; they kept their children quiet. Why should you modern women have it easier? You're already deserting your responsibilities by working when you should be home with your children (yes, this is word for word what I was told when I advocated for accomodating the children).

Now, after they sacrificed so much, their own children have deserted them, coming to church at best on Christmas and Easter -- more proof of how ungrateful our generation is (certainly not proof of how ineffectively their methods passed on the faith). And now, instead of being surrounded by their own grandchildren to enjoy, they have to put up with your badly-brought up children "makin' a ruckus" (their grandchildren only make ruckus's when they have a good reason, like being hungry or excited or tired).

It's not fair, not kind, not sisterly. But if it's any consolation the Mother's Union are just as angry at life as you are at injustice. And they probably don't have the moral resources to resolve their anger.

One more powerful argument for vestry: the year this issue drove us out, was the year my husband's company sold. The income from that one event was enough to build a basement under our existing house (yay!!) The entire tithe from that event went to Inn From the Cold -- we hadn't found a new church yet. None of it went to the church where our children weren't welcome.

Moral: in this time and culture, alienating too many high-tech working parents of young families costs the parish big-time income. In the computer generation, it's not just the "mature" families that count at the bottom line.

Not that *all* vestries are more interested in money than justice...