Question:

I converted to Catholicism when I married, but I have never felt at home in any RC church. The singing is lifeless, and my children don't get anything out of the service. I have resisted putting my youngest son (9) in any formal religious education and he has not had his "first communion" yet, as I didn't feel he was ready at the age of 7. I want to try a local non-denominational church, but my husband is against it. Do you have any advice for me?

Answer:

Saint Augustine wrote "Man is restless, 'til he find his rest in Thee". If you run away from your present parish, you will only be carrying your restlessness with you. I think you need to dig more deeply into your own spirituality, and into the opportunities the Roman Catholic church offers to feed it.

Did you take RCIA when you converted? If not, or if in retrospect you don't feel it was deep enough, look into an inquirer's class for adult Catholics, or an instructional retreat like Cursillo. There is great breadth and depth to Catholicism, and you do not need to leave Catholicism to find house groups, charismatic worship, rousing singing, or whatever worship style it is that would allow you to express your heart for worship. But first, you need to know your own heart -- and that means you may need to explore yourself.

Admittedly, the average RC parish church does make Anglicans seem like hearty singers (nothing else could LOL!). It can be pretty sad. On the other hand, a Lutheran congregation belting out traditional Lutheran chorale in four-part harmony makes Anglicans seem pretty sad, so it's a matter of where you're coming from. You can prime your children to sing with you by singing hymns and choruses around the house. I sing the Canticles of morning and evening prayer to my children nearly every day, Dean (who sings in the worship team at our church) sings the music for the coming Sunday as he drives children to ballet and Tae-kwondo, and we regularly sing Table-grace and other prayers. It's easier for children to sing when the music and words are familiar. (And since, at the moment, we're attending a Lutheran church, they're becoming familiar with four-part harmony they blow away their Anglican brethren, LOL!)

I would strongly encourage you to allow your younger son to receive communion. I presume that you have been received into communion by the Roman Catholic church and receive communion there yourself? Since communion is deeply spiritual, a true feeding of the soul rather than a rational symbolic exercise, mature understanding is not a pre-requisite. What children get out of it, even at a *very* young age, is experiential evidence of their adoption into God's household, their full membership alongside their parents and friends, the deep reality of their *belonging* in that place. My five-year-old part-time-son, denied communion because his Pastor believed children should be "old enough to understand", told us on the way home from Church "Anne and Rachel and you are part of God's family, but I'm not." When I assured him that he was, he said "Oh yeah? Then how come I didn't get the Holy Bread? Cause I'm *not*!"

Similarly, I would encourage you to allow him to attend Mass with you. "Children's Church" and Sunday-School are still relatively uncommon among Roman Catholic parishes here, and I find it unfortunate that they are becomming more common. There is a great deal more to mass than the sermon, and children drink in the visual symbols in the surroundings, the language of the readings and liturgy with its extensive use of Scripture, the prayerfulness of their fellow worshippers and the sanctity of the experience. You can "leverage" these things by preparing for Mass during the week ahead: use the link I just posted above, read the lessons aloud to your children or have them read them aloud, and maybe do some of the activities. Children focus better when they recognise familiar material. Since the homily is usually based on the lectionary, that should help you get even more out of the sermon, and if you discuss the lessons over the dinner table even your husband will get some benefit from your work.

Another thing we use, is "Sermon Summaries" -- a Lutheran custom I borrowed from two of Anne's godparents. I use the half-blank, half-lined notebooks. The children are allowed to draw, colour or write in them during the sermon. Usually, they end up drawing Christian symbols, often symbolic or illustrative of the sermon subject. At 13, your elder son should be able to produce critical precis of the homily for discussion over lunch, but if he doesn't want to do that I wouldn't push. Just give him the option and be willing to listen to and discuss his ideas arising from the sermon.

Also, try going to some additional services. They may have different music, or a different subset of the congregation attending, or a different focus to the homily. Attending the particular Lutheran church that we attend, I rarely get "fed" to the point that I'm satisfied -- but lunch-hour eucharists, and special services at a different parish on holy-days, and the occasional Sunday-evening eucharist or Vespers keeps me going. I'd rather be at an Anglo-catholic parish. But on Sunday morning I *have* to be where the needs of my husband and children are met -- and use some creativity to make sure my needs are met in other ways.