Question:

My husband is a christian and concerned for my mortal soul. He wants us to go to church. I DON'T want to go to church. However, I love him very much and if this lends peace to his soul then so be it. When you looked for a church what did you look for? Did you call and ask questions or actually visit? What questions did you ask? I have an 15 yo, an 11 yo, and a 3 yo. What is appropriate dress for church?

Answer:

Actually, you've chosen wisely an appropriate place to ask your questions ...

I was raised atheist, and I have a deep appreciation of the problem of "knowing" whether one believes. I am comforted by the so-called "agnostic's prayer" from Luke: "Lord, I believe! Help thou my unbelief". Through your practice of faith, such as regular and spontaneous prayer, and Bible-study, God does help our unbelief.

The range of worship Christian churches is astonishing: from the high liturgical tradition where the whole worship service is rigidly scripted and chanted by trained clergy, to the pentecostal spirit where worshippers move and pray as they feel led by the Spirit. So is the range of superficial expectations: from the rare church where women do practice "covering" their heads, never cut their hair, and wear ankle-length skirts; to churches where jeans, bare feet and tee-shirts are the norm. Most church-women wear hats only to formal weddings, if they even own one; and consider a conservative business suit perfectly appropriate.

A couple of years ago, I left my church-community and started looking for another. For me, it was important to find a church where children were treated as full members in Christ, and where baptism and communion were maintained as holy (and efficacious) sacraments. I also wanted to find a church where lay ministries were honoured, and where outreach was part of the congregation's commitment to Christ. I have to admit that, were the absence of hypocrisy one of my requirements, I'd still be looking for a church. We the church have the distinction, in these post-Constantinian times, of being both the leaven *and* the lump. I look to my church community to have enough of the leaven working in it, and try to find the resources to love the lump in Jesus' name.

You will need to consider what sort of your church did your DH grow up in? That will affect your decision. Believe me, a good Baptist is not going to feel satisfied by worshipping in an Eastern Orthodox church. Also consider, what sort of things might make worship services tolerable, or even enjoyable to you? You can get good phenomenology and textual-criticism-based teaching in some churches, if that rigourous intellectual challenge is your thing. You can soak up the ambiance of embroidered hangings and incense and stained-glass if you love rich pageantry. Ancient chant or classical organ music or up-beat guitar-and-drumkit praise? All options. Soup kitchens and service projects, or bake-sales and bridge-clubs?

The questions that I asked were: Are children welcome in your worship service? What facilities do you have to accomodate children? Are children welcome to take communion? What is the pattern of your worship service? Is your community welcoming to people in non-traditional relationships? Do you have any support programs for single mothers?

When you go to try out a church, dress conservatively but simply. When you pick a church to try, you might ask again here, and someone from that denomination can tell you what to expect. Ask whether there is Sunday School or children's church during the service or at some other time, and what ages it serves. Most churches pass an offering plate: about $5 is a good "just-visiting" kind of offering. Some churches have the custom of putting the offering in an envelope so no-one knows how much you gave: check in the book-rack on the back of the pew for envelopes.

Regards, Pamela