Logrus Etiquette: Notes for the Groom

This is just a shadow of the Logrus. The real Logrus is at http://members.shaw.ca/pamela.mclean/wedgroom.html

The Groom

The bridegroom is responsible for his own attendants: for deciding how many there will be, selecting them, and seeing that he and they appear at the designated time and place, if not correctly attired, at least appropriately (and identically) attired . "Correctly attired" offers no scope for innovation: it means grey cutaways and striped trousers before six o'clock and black evening-dress with tails afterward. "Appropriately attired" offers slightly more variety: grey "strollers" might replace the cutaways or a black dinner-jackets replace the tail-coats. White or grey dinner-jackets -- though still with black trousers -- might be risked by an adventuresome groom. Or, at risk of appearing too casual, three-piece suits might be worn: black, or grey if before six o'clock. Shirts are always white and unruffled, but if no vest be worn the shirt-front may be pleated. True sartorial adventure, however, is allowed in the choice of ties and cumberbunds. Unless wearing tail-coats, in which case the gentlemen are restricted to black or white ties and cumberbunds (a wing-tip collar being allowed if white is chosen), these items may be of any colour, or even patterned. A wedding not being Broadway, there need not be equal numbers of groomsmen and bridesmaids coordinated by height and costume: the staging of the processional is to be adapted to the dear friends who will take part, not friends chosen to suit the processional. Yet by coincidence, nearly all grooms choose exactly the number of attendants that their brides, if given any say, would have wished; and most brides on their wedding-day are unsurprised by how the groomsmen dress -- even when they appear in the most inappropriate puce trousers with ruffled pink shirts.

On festive occasions, a gentleman always sends flowers to a woman whom he admires. In general, a gentleman who sends flowers to several women at once is a cad; but on this occasion when he makes the transition from son to husband (and son-in-law) he wisely sends corsages to his mother and his mother-in-law to be, and an impressive bouquet to his bride. The bride sees her bouquet for the first time when it arrives as a gift from her groom on the day of her wedding, but -- again purely by coincidence -- the groom's choice of flowers always coordinates perfectly with the the bride's dress, and with the bouquets she herself has provided for her bridesmaids.

The groom buys a wedding ring and has it engraved. He also purchases the marriage license, and pays the cleric who performs the wedding, discreetly slipping him a envelope containing the fee -- so that the bride need never know that the wedding was sullied by any commercial transaction.

And once wed, the groom whisks his bride away on a splendid trip which he has planned and paid for, impressing her not only with this evidence of his ability to take charge of such details, but also with his cleverness in choosing just the destination she herself would have chosen.

if you're looking for a church marriage in Calgary Alberta, see also: getting married at Saint Stephen's

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